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At my convenience please

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There are days when you’ve not met someone for a long time and you want to meet them so you say “Hey, let’s meet up today. Its been a long time..”. The response would either be “That’s a wonderful idea, let’s meet for dinner or coffee” or “Sorry I am not free today, can we meet another day”. So, both of these responses would be alright with the person who suggested the meeting. Of course they might be a little disappointed if it is the latter response.

But then there are some who would say yes and then expect everyone else to do exactly what they want regardless of the other people’s feelings or convenience. Sometimes it is alright to go with the other person’s wishes because you are very good friends and don’t want to ruin the relationship just because once or twice, they wanted to have their own way. Everyone has days when they want others to do things their way and as per their convenience. We all understand that because even we behave like that sometimes.

What if such behaviour keeps increasing? What if the person throws some tantrum every time when things don’t go their way? The only way to not get annoyed by such behaviour and people is to avoid such people and go your own way. Give them some time on their own and you go do your own thing. If that still doesn’t change that person’s attitude, then just remove them from your lives or just follow the following steps to deal with such people:

1. Decide just how emotionally irritating this person is and if you’re truly willing to accept them as they are. If you’re ticked off because they don’t clean up after themselves or simple things like that, you can probably handle that. If they are truly wearing you down and you feel your friendship is entirely one-sided, ask yourself if maintaining a relationship is worth it. Being a loyal friend is invaluable, but you must not put yourself in any position that compromises your emotional health and stability. Take an honest look at how this person makes you feel, and if you realize they’re not good for you, it’s always best to cut it off as early as possible.

2. If you’ve decided this relationship can continue, give yourself breathing room. There’s nothing worse than spending incessant time with a friend or family member that makes you want to rip your hair out. Tell your aggravating friend that you value your alone time. If they care about you they’ll respect that.

3. Focus on the good stuff. If you have a friend who ALWAYS talks about herself, her plans for the future, her fianc√©, her childhood, what she ate for lunch… She often repeats the same stories over, and over, and over, and over. Try to think of the all the times she’s surprised you with Starbucks or called you to wish you a good morning when she knew you were having a rough time and you know she’s your best friend for a very good reason.

4.Communicate. Chances are, they don’t realize what their irritating quirks are, or they do recognize them and just don’t know how to fix them. This may even open a conversation about what annoys them about you. Give them a gentle heads up and watch how swiftly their behavior improves. However, if it doesn’t improve, talk to them once more. If your situation stays just as unbearable, time to hit the road. You can do better.

5. Be mindful of balance. If your friend didn’t acknowledge your birthday for the past three years, don’t go all out on theirs with a huge surprise party, fancy dinner, and expensive present. You’ll just be more disappointed when the next year rolls around and they give you a pair of socks. Basically, don’t go out of your way if you know they’d never go out of theirs.

6. Put yourself in their shoes. What is the underlying reason for their irksome habits? You don’t necessarily need to be a psychologist or a therapist to go into that detail, you could just get it by thinking about the kind of home she comes from, the family situation etc. Let’s say the aforementioned friend has a very overbearing mother. Perhaps your friend’s mother is constantly poking and prodding her about her weight, her hair, and if she’s being social enough. Maybe she talks about herself so much because it’s nice to have someone finally listen to her and how she feels. Understanding your friend’s situation can make it easier for you to cope with her resulting behavior.

7. Be a friend to yourself. Don’t let yourself get walked all over! Learn how to say no. It’s such an empowering feeling. Remember, no one has control over your actions but you. Know your limit. Give yourself time and space. Stand up for yourself when necessary.

 


 

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Monday, Here I Am, deal with it

At my convenience please